Have you ever heard the quote, “What other people think of you is none of your business?” Many people are credited with originally saying this, or some version of it. I first read about it in an Eleanor Roosevelt book and fell in love with the phrase and what it meant. Another fave, Eleanor Roosevelt quote “A woman is like a tea bag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” But that’s another blog post.
Not caring about what other people think about me encouraged me to simply be who I really am and not try to chameleon myself in order to manipulate others to feel a particular way about me. In other words, live your life knowing that others will form opinions about you and that has nothing to do with you.
Now I’m not suggesting you can be the person that whines and complains all the time or run up a huge tab and the bar and skip out on it. We all have a responsibility to put our best foot forward and when we do that and other people judge and criticize us, that’s on them.
Social media brings the popularity contest to a whole new level! The entire world is fixated on social media, constantly uploading snippets of our lives and checking to see how many people liked us – being witnessed, judged, and interpreted by total strangers! And often anonymity gives some people the bravado to be plain mean. It creates a need to seem likeable and that in turn creates uncertainty and difficulty coping with feedback from others. You may not even know you are doing it, but when you are worrying about what other people think of you, you cannot perform at your best!
The problem with caring about what people think about you is that you’re attaching yourself to an outcome that you have absolutely no control over. You have no control over what people say, do, and think about you! You cannot control the way other people will respond just as they do not control how you will respond. Your ego is the basis of this belief that you have any ownership or control over people’s opinions.
Here’s how to break the cycle:
- First, understand why you care. Where is the energy coming from? You’ve been told your entire life how to behave, how to dress and what to think for other people to like us. But are you adhering to society’s social norms? Or to the standards you’ve set for yourself?
- You can’t read people’s minds. You have no idea what other people are thinking and you definitely don’t know what life experience they’ve had that is tainting their perspective. Stop consciously making assumptions about what other people are thinking about you. If they aren’t verbalizing their feedback directly to you, it’s none of your business. And that includes when someone is talking about you behind your back.
- You cannot control what others think of you. Everybody has their own perspective and belief systems, and they are looking at you through that lens. You don’t know what that lens looks like or if you even agree with it. Don’t let other people’s opinions keep you from being your authentic self.
- If someone is judging you, they are judging themselves first and probably harder. We judge others by the standards we set for ourselves and your standards you set for yourself are probably different. The standards you set for yourself you use to measure your own self-worth. Don’t measure yourself with someone else’s yardstick.
- Positive thoughts, gratitude about your own milestones and affirmations are far more impactful and valuable than wasting energy worrying about what other people think. Not all emotions are created equal – one negative thought has more power than 100 positive thoughts! Create a list of mantras, things you are grateful for and affirmations and when you start feeling judged by someone else, read them to yourself and move on!
- Ignoring the judgement of others creates an incredible freedom but everyone has blind spots. Seeking genuine feedback from people that know you deeply and that you care about is important. Taking that feedback and processing it through the standards you’ve set for yourself and acting on what pieces of it feel authentic to you is how you grow!
This is a lifelong journey, not a quick fix. You’ll need to check in with yourself regularly and practice a lot of self-love. And remember, others are walking their own journey as well. A journey you don’t know anything about which makes their attitudes and perspectives their own, and none of your business.
What other people think about you is none of your business. And as soon as you figure that out, you will be free.
