Teach your daughters to say no. Teach your daughters to raise their voices. Teach your daughters to make waves.
To value safety over politeness. To yell fire instead of help. Teach your daughters to feel comfortable in their own bodies.
Teach your daughters to live without shame.
Teach your daughters to hit first. To bite back. To burn the world down when they are mistreated. Teach your daughters to out their abusers. To be deadly serious.
To be dangerous. To be sure. To know what they want.
Teach your daughters to take a stand. To be bold. To be brave. Teach your daughters to believe in a better world.
And then tell them they deserve one.
Say, you do not have to suffer Like I have suffered.
Say, the legacy of girlhood does not have to be one of pain.
Unstoppable_Her
I worked with a woman that had a sign behind her desk on the wall that read “Work Hard and Be Nice”. It irked me.
It begins on the playground when we are little, “play nice”. It continues throughout school: “be sweet”, “it’s better to be seen and not heard”, “boys will be boys”. Boys are taught to be loud, bold, aggressive. Girls are taught to be nice.
Like Miranda Lambert’s song Mama’s Broken Heart says “don’t matter how you feel, only matters how you look. Go and fix your makeup, girl it’s just a breakup, run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady. Get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face.”
On a daily basis girls see a significant absence of women’s voices in media, where only one-fifth of characters on TV and in movies are female; in school, where 10 women are mentioned to every 100 men in history books; in most high school English classes where only one of the top 10 works of literature used was written by a woman; in the seven top chemistry texts, where 85 percent of the images shown feature men; and in politics, where America ranks 90th in terms of women representatives in government. The message is that women’s voices are not important.
This is still incredibly prevalent in today’s business world. Men who are strategic, powerful, commanding and outspoken climb the ranks quickly, are respected and touted as leaders. Women who are strategic, powerful, commanding and outspoken are a thorn and labeled intimidating, demanding, controlling and overly aggressive. Constantly and consistently told to tone it down, to say less, to be less so that others can be more comfortable around her. They try to make you smaller and then blame you for their insecurities. And by “they” I mean men and women. Unfortunately, other women enable this behavior because if the focus is on someone else, it’s not on them.
I believe there is a war on women in corporate America and there are a lot of people out there talking about it. Here are the statistics from a recent Forbes article about the gender pay gap:
- Women earn just 84 cents for every dollar a man makes.
- Women of color are among the lowest-paid workers in rural areas, with rural Black and Hispanic women making just 56 cents for every dollar that rural white, non-Hispanic men make.
- Latinas are compensated just 55% of what non-Hispanic white men are paid in 2024.
- Black women are paid 64% of what non-Hispanic white men are paid.
- Native American women are typically paid only 59 cents for every dollar paid to white, non-Hispanic men.
- A 20-year-old woman just starting full-time, year-round work stands to lose $407,760 over a 40-year career compared to her male counterpart.
I once had a male CEO tell me that I was like ice cream without the toppings, and I just needed to smile more. My female mentor suggested that he put it where the sun doesn’t shine and told me to be myself at all costs. I did. And boy, was there a cost.
At one point of my career, discovered that my two male counterparts were making significantly more money than I was for the same job. I spoke up and HR corrected it, but it took me speaking up loudly and boldly.
Ladies, you can’t let them take away who you really are. You can’t let them minimize you to make them more comfortable. You can’t let them pay you less for the same work. Be your best, do you best, and demand equal pay. No workplace should have your soul and no one should be the determinant of your worth. Ever.
“There is no such thing as someone who is bossy, there’s just a Boss. We don’t want to be condemned for being multi-faceted.” Taylor Swift
Need help reclaiming yourself and being a Boss without damaging your career? Give me a call!
